Happy Birthday!

Today's post is more of a personal one.  Today would have been my little boys first birthday, and I'm missing him terribly! For those of you who don't know, he was stillborn at 29 weeks, a year ago.  Some days I don't know how I manage to make it through the day without him, but somehow I do.  I can't believe its been a whole year since I held him in my arms.  I still have days where I feel like the heartache is never going to end, but those days are becoming less and less frequent!  The whole grief process is a funny one.  This was the first major loss in my life, and I guess I'm learning to deal with it one day at a time.

 Now I guess the best way to look at life is to find the positives, and I've had a few of those this year!  My brother and his wife, Natasha,  had a baby.  She is the most adorable little girl you've ever seen!  I didn't know how much love I still had to give, but every time I see her chubby little cheeks my heart just fills up with joy, and I feel as if my heart is going to burst with happiness.  I stole a picture off of Natasha's blog just to show you how darn cute she is!  Haha okay, obviously I couldn't just pick one because there are far too many great shots of her!  She's quite the character!  I can't wait until she gets older so that I can be her favorite and we can go do fun things like play in the park, or go for ice cream!

Secondly, I figured out who I was and what I wanted out of life.  I've become more secure with myself and I know I deserve so much more than I had settled for in the past!  I also feel like I've become more empathetic in some ways.  I'm not so quick to judge anymore.  So I guess I feel like I've grown as a person.

Thirdly, I've discovered how wonderful my friends and family truly are, and even complete strangers!  I had a pretty good idea, but the kindness and love that was shown during the past year was amazing!  So if any of you are reading this, I just want to say thanks for being there for me!  I know sometimes I might have been a little withdrawn or sad, but its part of life, and thanks for sticking with me!

Lastly I want to say Happy 1st Birthday to Hudson!  I miss you every single day, and I hope Heaven is treating you good!  I can't wait until I can finally meet you face to face again!  I love you!

XOXO,
Mommy